Look for the Lonely this Christmas …will they be welcomed?

It’s easy to miss the lonely and the isolated, even in a crowd.  Are you and your congregation prepared to make friends with the lonely? Or are you distracted by all the busy-ness of the season?

 

Christmas usually intensifies any feelings of loneliness and isolation. Parties, shopping and of course, advertising are all filled with smiling people gathering, talking, singing, and having a good time. Families are working hard to enjoy the “Spirit of Christmas” and often the lonely go unnoticed. It’s easy to become an observer even for those are automatically included.

 

U.S. Surgeon General Dr. V. H. Murthy has issued a major report on loneliness in our society. (You can find it here.) He points out that “Loneliness and isolation represent profound threats to our health and well-being.” And when “social connection” is not there, premature death can increase to a rate comparable to smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day.

 

It’s likely that there will be more than a few isolated people at Christmas Eve services.  Families and friends will bring them along.  They may even come on their own.  Some will be easy to spot, others may simply blend in with the group they tagged along with.

 

Many of you may have had a Blue Christmas service for those suffering and/or remembering loss at Christmas time. 

 

That’s a great step to reach out to those who are “Blue” for other reasons as well: Lack of friends, no meaning in life, poor social skills, struggling to survive, dysfunctional families, addictions, and homelessness.

 

Here are a few other ways to train your congregation to have an eye out for the lonely who are likely to show up Christmas Eve. 

 

Prepare:

• Have any materials developed for the “Blue Christmas” available and visible.
• Add specific materials on dealing with loneliness and coping with life both as handout reading and also for your Ushers and Greeters and more gregarious congregation members to read.

 

• Plan Follow-Up activities to invite those who are lonely to.
  1. Coffee and “Goodies” after worship.
  2. Parties (i.e. “Un-decorating the church”, Choir, informal gatherings, etc.) that are planned.
  3. Next Sunday’s Worship.
  4. A “Watch Night” service on New Year’s Eve.
  5. A New class/social group starting in January.
  6. An Outreach to help others. (i.e. warm clothes for the homeless, visiting care facilities, etc.)

 

• Have a clear and simple “Meta-story” about the Gospel of Jesus, the Christ/Messiah. (i.e “For me, Christmas is all about the Messiah, who brought Heaven to Earth for us. In fact, we see all creation, and especially the church, as the “Porch of Heaven.”)

 

 

In the Moment:

• Mention of those who “might be feeling alone” at this time, even though they are surrounded by people.
  1. In worship welcome
  2. In any special follow up activities
  3. In the sermon
  4. In any invitation at the end of the worship.

 

• Talk to everyone in a family or group. Ask for their names.  Call them by their names. (It’s very easy to focus only on the kids, so make sure you include the Young Adults and other Adults standing with the group.

 

• Be especially aware of anyone standing or walking by “alone”, even if in a group.

 

• Spend most of your time with them just listening. Encourage them to talk, don’t dominate the conversation.

 

• Encourage them to fill out a guest card so you can have a follow up.

 

• Be sure to invite them to return SOON! (…and look for you.)

 

• Think about some phrases to introduce yourself to those you suspect might be lonely and isolation:
  1. “Hi, I’m (add your name).
  2. “Are you new here tonight?”
  3. “Are you with (a group standing near by)?”
  4. “Are you familiar with our church?”
  5. “Do you have any questions about our church?”
  6. “Is there a special place you’d like to sit for tonight’s service?” (Or offer to have them sit with you. Note: NOT that you sit with them. That puts them on the spot.)
  7. If they seem interested, you can ask: “Would you like to join…”
     1. …our next Sunday worship?
     2. …a small group of newcomers here?

• …a NEW class on what the Bible is all about?

1. …our effort to feed the hungry and homeless?
2. (or something within the next 1-2 weeks.)

1. (Can you think of any other opening questions to ask?...)

 

Follow Up…!

• If you are blessed with a name, and/or a phone number, or a family connection:
  1. Make an effort to call or connect within 24 hours.
  2. Make another effort within a week.
  3. Express your personal thanks for their attendance and ask if they have any questions.
  4. Make another effort within a month.

 

Note: A rule of thumb is that it takes 7 invites to convince someone that you mean it! 

 

• In the following weeks, remind your congregation of the lonely individuals all around them.
  1. In Sermons
  2. In Announcements
  3. In Newsletters and emails
  4. In Signage around the church
  5. Encourage them to get to know them.

 

• Add: “Looking out for the Lonely” to your efforts in promoting a “Radical Hospitality.”

 

All this is about developing “new eyes to see” all the lonely and isolated people around you.  Be ready to help heal loneliness and despair.

The church is a strong place of “Social Connection”.  It’s what we do.  It’s part of the gift of love God has given us to embrace the lonely around us.

 

^“Love the Lord your God with all your heart

   and with all your soul

   and with all your mind

   and with all your strength.”

… “Love your neighbor as yourself.’

There is no commandment greater than these.”

(Mark 12:30-31)

 

Please note: While this column is copyrighted, you have permission to forward this column to those responsible in your congregation for welcoming and/or to print off this column for local church training use.